… and "partial continous attention", myfootprint.org, …
I started this blog so I could note my thoughts – mostly for my personal reflection, but if the occasional visitor took some enjoyment from them, or gleaned some nugget to chew on for themselves a bit later, well, then, that would be fine, too. I haven’t written nearly as much as I thought I would. At least not yet.
It’s not that I don’t have thoughts. Without the distraction of a spouse or children or roommate – not even so much as a pet – living with me, I tend to live in my head a *lot*. As I ruminate over something I’ve heard, read, seen, felt, I tell myself at least 3 times a day "I should blog about that!" With good intentions, I plan to blog that very night. Finally, I’ll have something fresh on my blog! Then I come home from yoga, it’s 10pm … and instead of writing, I mentally add the topic to the list I have in my head of Things I Want to Blog About.
The List is growing too long, and I am recommitting myself once again to writing more regularly. I want to write about how I don’t feel guilty for not writing … or for other things like being late, or not dusting for two weekends in a row.
I want to write about yoga and how it’s helping me with the sciatica and scoliois and fibromyalgia and degenerative hip … about how I don’t say "my sciatica" or "my scoliois" because I think language is important and words have power and that I consider each of these conditions to be temporary and that I will be relieved of them at some point … about yoga and peace and gentleness and union ("yoga" means "union") and about not attaching to things and situations, about releasing things that are negative to my life or my spirit.
I want to write about Carolyn Myss and Anatomy of the Spirit … about the Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hahn and his message of being "in the moment" … about John Edward and how I relate to his message and his teachings. (Note that I didn’t say "to his readings", but to the spirit and intent of his message because they echo what my heart already sings.)
I want to share about how I enjoy when former co-workers call me for advice about software testing – and reaffirm to me that I am skilled in that area that I love and have worked so hard in. About how one sends me a note from time to time about an award my former team won that I’d contributed my expertise to … or about a family of ducks that has made their home in the pond next to the office I used to work in.
… about how my friends are much better friends to me than I am to them. I truly have wonderful, wonderful generous friends.
… about the fact that many people that I haven’t had contact with for some time, have been reappearing in my life since the New Year … I don’t consider why, but I acknowledge it’s happening and I just simply enjoy it without any expectations for some Special Meaning to come of it …
… about how my yoga teacher commented on my right angle pose with a soft "Stunning. Like a postcard" and how that compliment has put a smile in my heart for the last 2 weeks …
… about how I’ve had the following written on my chalkboard doors for about 3 years:
Live without judgement,
only with love, understanding and acceptance
Love without reservation
Laugh without reservation
Live without reservation
… about how I aspire to evolve to the level of Kwai Chang Caine, the lead character in the Kung Fu TV series …
… about how I don’t believe in keeping score or about the concept of Winners and Losers …
… about my beliefs on spirituality and our souls and how we are not bodies with a soul inside of us; we are first and always souls, souls who temporarily – very temporarily – have a body, and that our physical bodies have physical needs that draw our attention away from this knowledge of who we are in the centers of our selves.
I live in my head a lot. My dad told me on several occasions that he loved being onboard ship in the Navy, out at sea, "away from everyone." I often thought that he’d be very content as a hermit. I find those same traits in myself. I am utterly and peacefully content to be alone. I am also happy to be with others, although I don’t need to be in order to be content and happy. I’ve always been this way; it’s as natural to who I am as the fact that my natural body temperature is 97 degrees instead of the usual 98.6. As a kid, I’d wanted to become a nun; not one of those teaching catechism or working in hospitals. I wanted to be a cloistered nun, one who spent her days in prayer, praying for the world, praying for others’ intentions, connecting to God through prayer and remaining deeply connected for many hours each day. I sometimes think I may be too content in being alone. Maybe I should get a dog? Maybe I’ll just paint the living room and think about it more …